It can be somewhat easier to forgive others before we forgive ourselves. Why is that? Don’t we owe it to ourselves to forgive ourselves? Let us dive deeper into this topic. Yes, I have a story to tell. 😂
My last job I was as an Academic Advisor for a college. One thing that I loved about the job was watching students finishing their degrees and feel confident that they can reach any goal they set. The thing that I disliked about the job was the politics. I felt the school only cared about having students packed in the classrooms instead of making sure students were ready for their careers. There was a time where we had a student that was suffering from a mental delay and could not focus on passing the two classes she was taking. She failed two semesters, and my manager, the Dean of Students Services, wanted me to place her in another major so we can hit our registration number. I had to fight my whole team for them to understand that this student was not going to be successful in a college that cannot meet her needs.
When I left, well, when my manager got mad because I placed my two weeks’ notice in and she made me leave that same day, I felt so bad. I thought I was letting the students down who came to me for advice and a shoulder to lean on. I also thought that I was letting my husband down because I took a major pay cut. I went to my new job, regretting my decision to leave. I thought that I was selfish, and I did not deserve to be happy. I went to therapy two weeks after leaving my job, and I cried, “I made a big mistake.” “How so?” My therapist asked. “Because I not only let my students down, I let my husband down.” My therapist looked at me and gave me a kind smile. “Were you happy there?” She asked.
I started thinking about the things that I did not care for while I was there. “Not at all.” I said. “Sounds to me like you left to save yourself from being miserable.” She explained. She was right. Had I stayed, I would have been depressed and possibly had a mental breakdown from the stress. “You did not let anyone down,” my therapist said, “You freed yourself from being hurt.” Then she said, “Forgive yourself, Ariel.” After that session I went home, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I told myself that I forgive me.
I said all of that to say this; we need to be kinder to ourselves. We should not beat ourselves up because of what others think about our decisions. We have to do what is right for us because we are the only ones that will know what fits us. Self-love is forgiving yourself for things you have done, or you think you did to yourself. Forgiveness is the first step in taking the baggage off of you. If you want to be free of the cloudiness that is around you, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you forgive you. Trust me; you will feel much better.